Today Amy and I complete the first 27 years of our marriage and begin the next 27. A number of years ago a friend from my teen years called to tell me that he and his wife (another friend) left him after 23 years of marriage. Just before we ended our phone conversation, he lamented, “Scott, this is one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I hope you never have to go through this.”
I don’t know all that happened to bring about an end to their relationship. I know that like in most cases there were mistakes made by both husband and wife. I do know he still loved her and to him this came out of the blue. With help early on, maybe they could have worked things out.
Back to mine and Amy’s anniversary and our marriage.
Amy and I come from a long line of love, both sets of our parents have been married over 50 years. We both committed to “death to us part.” Someone gave us this piece of advice when we were getting married: Weddings are easy, marriage is hard. For that reason we have a Divorce Avoidance Plan in place. A plan that I now share with you.
Divorce Avoidance Plan:
- Make sure your spouse knows you love them. Tell them and show them daily.
- Date, date, and date some more. Dating does not have to be expensive. A date can be as simple as a walk around the block. Continually do things together.
- Hold hands often. Get caught holding hands in public. Read about that here.
- Continue to pursue (court) each other. Attempt to keep the romance alive.
- Talk about your day. Listen to what your spouse says and be empathetic to their stresses.
- Be in the same room as often as possible. Make an effort to be near each other.
- Guys – open the car (truck) door for her. This can be difficult when the children are small, but now that Andrew is in college and we are in the early empty nest stage of life, I need to get back to this habit.
- Send “flexts” – flirtatious texts – to each other when work or schedules separate you during the day. Excuse me while I grab my phone . . . Okay, I am back.
- Worship together. Sit together in worship assemblies and hold hands during prayer.
- Pray for each other – daily.
What would you add to this list? What things do you do?
5 thoughts on “Avoidance Plan”
The best “divorce avoidance/marriage advice that Rick & I were given came from Terry Sanford Smith with whom with had “pre-marriage counseling”:
“Think how much grace God has given you and give that much to your spouse.”
Very wise concept & compelling concept, yes?
What a great bit of simple-but-significant advice. I might write this on a Post-It and hang it next to my desk. Thank you for sharing.
Excellent post today Scott and Happy Anniversary!
Thank you for sharing this, Scott. Les and I have watched so many people we love go through this already. Older generations passing on their wisdom – their genuine, personally gleaned wisdom – to the younger generations is so priceless. I appreciate your taking the time to make this accessible to us.
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