These self-lies are often the root of the arguments and irritants in our marriages.
- My wife (husband) should make me happy.
- My husband (wife) has to meet all of my needs.
- My spouse, because they love me, knows my needs without my having to tell her/him.
- I know how things should be done and my wife (husband) should be willing to do things my way.
- No matter what I say or do, my husband (wife) should not respond in an irritable or angry tone to me.
- My spouse should ask me about my day first.
I am sure that as you read the above statements you realized at least two things. 1) You tell one or more of these statements to yourself (or have in the past). And 2) You can see how unfair they are to your spouse.
Take a moment to look over these statements. If you see that you are telling yourself these lies, then learn to see them for what they are and try to think differently. Tell yourself that they are not true and try rewording them as truths. Take number 3 for an example. Tell yourself, “My spouse will only know what I need and be able to help fulfill that need when I communicate that need.”
Have a great marriage!