Choosing a Spouse


A couple of weeks ago, someone commented that they would like to see a post about choosing a spouse.  I’ll take the bait and see what happens.

Amy, in 1987 when we met.

I should start by saying I did not have a lot of “girlfriends,” that is to say, there were not a lot that I dated more than one or two dates.  Through out high school, I had a couple of special girls that I went out with, and then my Freshman and Sophomore year in college I dated the same girl for about 18 months – things did not work between us.  After a couple of one outing dates with young ladies during the summer of 1987, I met Amy after returning to school for my Junior year (she was an incoming Freshman).  Fourteen months later, she accepted my proposal of marriage and three months after I graduated college we married.  That was 23 years ago (Aug 12, 1989-2012).  I know that I am very fortunate in sharing my life with Amy.  I cannot begin to tell you all the ways she blesses my life and helps me be a better person.

Now to actually post on the suggested topic: How to Choose a Spouse.

Waylon Jennings sang, “I was looking for love in all the wrong places . . .”  Well, here is a list of places NOT to find a life-long, help you get to heaven, and be a great spouse:

  • Bars and night clubs
  • Family reunions (You might be a redneck . . .)
  • Dances
  • The Party Scene
  • Work (Some places have rules against this).
  • These places often put you with people who are looking for a “good time” and not a life-long relationship.

What are the “right places?’  Here are some suggestions:

  • University classes
  • Specifically a Christian University
  • Church settings — your congregation or one across town
  • Through friends who know you (and them) well
  • These are not guarantees of success, but I believe they provide more opportunity for success.

Now how do you choose a good person in a right setting?  First remember to “Be the right person” yourself. Then have some qualities you want to find in the person you want to spend your life with.

  1. Be attracted to each other (physically).  I know that we hear how shallow this is, but I have yet to hear a long married couple describe their spouse as unattractive to them.
  2. Look for someone who genuinely likes you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.  In other words, be yourself and if they do not like that, move on.
  3. Find someone who compliments you (not flattery, but fills your gaps, make you whole).  I see strengths in Amy, where I see weaknesses in myself.
  4. Look for someone who has a similar (not identical) family background.
  5. Look for someone who has similar spiritual goals.
  6. Look for someone who has similar family goals.
  7. Look for someone who does not believe in divorce.
  8. Look for someone who will build you up and not tear you down.

OK readers, what other advice do you have?

– Scott

4 thoughts on “Choosing a Spouse

  1. The redneck one is funny.

    Internet is good. There is a church of Christ site. An unnamed child of mine met their spouse there. Actually, it was Eric. I met Debbie in high school, picked her out in the lunch line. A similar moral family background is good. I wouldn’t stretch that one too far. We each bring something a little different to the table, which I think makes for a vibrant relationship. Debbie and I have wound up with many dissimilar interests. What we share is we both think a good moral/Christian life is important. Debbie was not raised in the church of Christ. She became a member at age 12. Her family were nominal Baptists. Years later her family became church of Christ and her dad served for many years as an elder.

    I blogged about us a while back. I’ll send you a private link. You may find it amusing. You might blog about you and Amy when you were young(er). 🙂

    More serious: you might blog about when a spouse passes away. I have a good friend about 50 years old who lost his spouse not too long ago. I cannot imagine how painful that is.

    You also might encourage people to put you in a reader. I’ve been reading your posts lately because I started using Google Reader and put you in it. I find Google Reader very helpful. I read more with it. I have my daily Bible reading in there and quite a few blogs.

    Write a series some time on personal Christian spirituality. That is an interest area of mine. If my personal relationship with God is alive and growing, that makes all areas of my life better.

    That comment was too long.

  2. Pingback: Right Reasons | The Morning Drive

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