Thank you. Seriously, how do you tell others you love them? How do you know when someone loves you? These are basic questions and according to Dr. Gray Chapman vary from person to person. I recommend you read his book Five Love Languages. Sometimes people in a relationship do not feel loved not because they are not loved, but because they are not hearing in in their love language. Learning about these five languages will help you in your marriage, and it will also help in all other relationships.
Once I began to understand the points Dr. Chapman made, I started trying to apply the Five Love Languages to my brothers and sisters in Christ. I started trying to show people my love for them in a variety of ways so that they would know they are loved. (Confession: As I look back over these, I have become slack in a few areas.)
Five Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation. Some know they are loved when you tell them. They would say, “Tell me you love me. Use words. Tell me you appreciate what I do.” Mark Twain reportedly said, “I could live two months off a good compliment.”
- Quality Time. You don’t always have to say you love these people. They appreciate the time you spend with them. Love is spelled T-I-M-E.
- Receiving Gifts. Some people feel love when they receive a gift. That gift does not have to be expensive. It could be a candy bar, a bottle of water, or a simple note on a card. It could be the wild flower a child brings Mom.
- Acts of Service. Others know they are loved when you do something. Open a door, carry a box, prepare a meal, help with a project, in other words look for opportunities to serve / help.
- Physical Touch. Extreme had a hit song nearly thirty years ago with an “unplugged” song – More than Words. The second stanza says,
“Now that I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand,
All you have to do is closer your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go,
More than words is all I ever needed you to show,
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me,
“Cause I’d already know.
As I look at these I realize God demonstrated love for all of us in Christ in all five of these ways.
Jesus Loves Me, This I know.
- He gives Words of Affirmation – “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” (John 15:16)
- He spends Quality Time – He spent three years with the disciples, took time to be with Zacchaeus’ house, to dine with Mary and Martha, and promises, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:20)
- He gives Gifts – Specifically the gift of grace. ” . . . the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)
- He willingly Serves – Jesus took up the towel and washed the disciples’ feet. Service is why He came, ” . . . the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28)
- He Physically Touched many – He touched lepers and took children in His arms (Mark 10:16).
Show those around you that you love them.